Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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