My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize