I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
