dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize