3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
