My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
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