I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He better not be in your backpack
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
