im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
