hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
