So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
