Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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