i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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