I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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