thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize