I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
