I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize