I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
