I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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