you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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