her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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