she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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