____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize