I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
