Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
it glows. i had to have it.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
