I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you didnt know i had herpes?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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