So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
