Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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