Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
