I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
