well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
