batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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