I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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