My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
