Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
