she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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