Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
