sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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