Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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