just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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