I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
it hurts more in the daytime
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
