LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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