Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize