I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
