i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
