it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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