i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
