Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
