Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Randomize
