Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
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