I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
