yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
