What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
