I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
