Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
