I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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