I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
