Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
