Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
