I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize