I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
