My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
