How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
