new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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