i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
